How every major character in Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment would fare if they had to survive the plot of Halo 1

All other games writers are cowards. Wealth and power have conspired to intimidate them into silence, to concern themselves with trifles instead of things that actually matter. Not me, though. I'm brave, and strong, my voice won't be silenced. I don't care about the consequences that come for speaking the truth. Here is the article no other outlet dares write.

Here is how the main characters of Crime and Punishment would fare if they had to survive the plot of Halo 1.

Rodion Romanovich Raskolnikov

Rodya's melee specialisation would steer him well through the Pillar of Autumn, where close quarters let him get up and close with grunts and elites, but I'm sceptical of his ability to operate autonomously in the broader, ranged theatres of Truth and Reconciliation. Assuming for the sake of argument that he was able to familiarise himself with the rhythm of focusing plasma fire to take out enemy shields before switching rapidly to the M6 pistol to finish them off, I think he would go to pieces in 343 Guilty Spark, where the horror and human tragedy of the Flood's first appearance would traumatise him to the point of paralysis.

Dmitri Prokofyich Razumikhin

Razumikhin, whose name more-or-less translates to Brain Guy, would undoubtedly prove himself a canny strategist, but his hard core of empathetic humanity would turn from asset to obstacle when it came time to butcher a room filled with sleeping grunts in Assault on the Control Room. Ultimately, Razumikhin's odds of survival would depend on whether his was a singleplayer or co-op campaign, as in the latter case he would be an adept support to a more ruthless warrior, who could make up for Dmitri's softer, academic inclinations.

Semyon Zakharovich Marmeladov

Sofya Semyonovna Marmeladova

As the moral heart of Dostoevsky's novel, Sofya seems ill-suited to the demands that Bungie's seminal 2001 first-person shooter would place on her. But don't count her out; she is perhaps the book's most indefatigable character, refusing to abandon Raskolnikov to his shame and guilt over an unforgivable crime much as she might refuse to leave a platoon of marines without Scorpion tank support. Her weakness is not her combat strength but rather her intense religious faith, which could plausibly see her sign up with the Covenant as Halo 1's closest analogue to the Russian Orthodox Church.

Avdotya Romanovna Raskolnikova

Raskolnikov's sister Dunya would absolutely tank the entire thing solo. Legendary difficulty, all skulls on. She's using backpack reloads and animation cancels to put ceaseless fire down range as she proceeds swiftly across classic levels like The Silent Cartographer. She knows all the level skips but doesn't use them. <3-hour completion time.

Arkady Ivanovich Svidrigailov

Banned for comments on voice chat. Last online a year ago.

Pyotr Petrovich Luzhin

Dunya's doughy husband-to-be would fare poorly practically from the outset. In co-op, he would demand to drive all the vehicles but would not be skilled at it, and his insistence on hoarding rare and powerful weapons like the M41 SPNKr rocket launcher would dramatically decrease the combat effectiveness of his unit. In solo, these issues would remain, with the added drawback that he has no squad to make up for his deficiencies. One also cannot discount the possibility he would simply be so weird about Cortana he would be summarily executed by Captain Keyes.

Porfiry Petrovich

Quietly survived the events on Alpha Halo several years ago. If you search you will find him in Halo Infinite, which he's not loving.

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